i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I enjoy the company of your penis
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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