I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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