I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
