i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
