my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
