And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
