You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
