If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i was born a porn star she said
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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