I just cut my nipple shaving
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize