Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
