just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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