Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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