One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
