Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
