i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
they need to just BURY HIM!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
