If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This is the prime rib incident all over again
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
