You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
two words...techno handjob
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
