Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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