If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
