we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
