whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
