We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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