ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize