Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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