her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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