I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
