Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
