If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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