Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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