My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
