the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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