dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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