my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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