Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just forgot I was standing up.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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