is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
