this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
