We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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