if only i could text you this smell
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
