what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize