My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
