I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
