I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
