super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
