You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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