i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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