Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
