haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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