I CAN MOONWALK!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
