I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
