yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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