it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The air was thick with penises
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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