It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am one with the molecules
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
