By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
