We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
