my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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