My room smells like vodka and shame
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
