well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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