New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
