Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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