i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
