it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
