How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize