I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
