His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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