he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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