Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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