My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
