Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
