New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
