Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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