Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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