I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
