so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
