Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
