Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize