this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm like, not good at living.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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