yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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