Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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