That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
