when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
