I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
