I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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