She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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