If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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