im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
