just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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