I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
