the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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