mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That's intense
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize