M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
